Grandparents

Thoughts from Duncan Christie-Miller

My connections at GCHQ have very kindly allowed me to access some interceptions from Alexa and Siri etc. Not a lot of people know that all communications to and from these devices are recorded by GCHQ – but please do not tell anyone else. It is a secret.

Here are some extracts from several grandchildren who clearly had no idea that the friend in the corner was on record:

‘Rtheyorlthesame?
Umenegwandasanmas?
Yeth
Finksew
Kithkithkith
Ysewwetandairy?
Airy?
Uno – razabirn
Oh! Yeth. Ateit. Kneedklenebakhandanswypeafterallkithkithkithrooteen
Yswingsewmuchitmakesmep?
Pandtherest!
Shesniffpongandropmelykeabrik
Henevadoesthebizness. Tumuch4im
Aislenevabeelykethat
Gnawme
Wotchowteretheycum!’

And

‘Always the same stuff eh?

You mean the ‘Haven’t you grown line?
Yes. If I hadn’t I would still be 3 foot. Its natural darn it. Look at my zits!

And the questions about school! What did you do today? So unoriginal. Do they honesty think I want to tell them?
You mean – nothing!
Can’t say that. So make up total rubbish about maths etc.
Good one – maths scares them to death as they do not have a clue
True – how about Economics?
Good one too as no one in the world understands Economics

He asked me if I had a girlfriend.
What does he take me for – a blooming LGBTHQ candidate?
If only they knew …

How much?
A tenner
Not bad’

With thanks to Alexa and GCHQ

Duncan Christie-Miller

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